Overcoming Loneliness As A Gay Man

Loneliness can be a bitch at times and for some people it can it harder than other. And regardless of how one might identity sexually, loneliness sometimes overwhelmed those within the LGBT+ community.

For some this loneliess can stem from sexually or gender identity discrimination, or even from their biological families. Though some might say these feelings of loneliness is to be expected despite our community’s supposed mandate love and inclusiveness and trying to choose our families. Unfortunately not everyone can fit into clquies or social circles.

I was reading an article about gay men battleing loneliess and it got me thinking about my own life. A lot of time, I feel so isolate from others but this is something that comes and goes in my life depending own what’s going on at that point. One you feel great, loved, and on top of the world, but I can gbbe curled up in the ball staring at my phone thinking about nobody even likes me enough to call.

When it’s really bad, I feel like I’m on a deserted island looking across to the mainland where everyone else is enjoying life, and I can only watch as there’s no other way to get across to the others. So in the others words, I’m curled up on my sofa feeling sorry for myself, watching people’s post on Facebook or Instagram of how fabulous their lives are.

Obviously social media isn’t an accurate depiction of people’s lives, but when you don’t hear from people sometimes that’s the only way to hear about what they are up to.

Often people will tell me if I’m feeling lonely then I just need to get out of the house and be around other people. Because apparently in their mind it’s just that easy . And for them it probably is.

When we were all coming out or realising our sexual identities, we would isolate ourselves or pull away from those around us to ensure our secert isn’t found out. That proverbial closet prevented us from making meaningful connections with other (family included) because of how different we felt from them. This was probably an emotionally stressful period for most.

After coming out, those feelings of isolation probably went away, for most people as they start to meet people like them and build new social circles. But for others, that might have hightlighted for them how they don’t fit into the groups around them. Even when those groups are comprised like them with similar interests.

When I first came out, I met an amazing group of people some which im still in contact with now 3 years later after I graduated from school. We were mostly coming out, so we all came together to support each other. But like anything in life, this only lasted for so long as people moved on, found relationships and so forth.

For me, this was only fleeting as I tried several different oulets after my friends moved on and found relationship, I tried gay softball , bowling groups, naturist group and gay geeks, etc-but nothing truly fit me. Sure, I’d meet a few new people and start going out a bit more, but then as people broke off as they tend to do, I was still left in the same situation wondering where everyone went.

I try to reach out to people when I’m feeling lonely, but unfortunately that doesn’t always work out.  People (in London) are generally always busy or booked up well in advance, so there’s little room for last minute plans.  Or they are the type that only want to be around when things are going good, so will purposely avoid you when you’re down.

Like anything in life, this too will be a work in progress as I try to help myself. Or maybe found a guy one day….. Who Knows 🙂

I Am A Romantic Too

In some ways, I am an incurable romantic. I don’t care for realism in movies; I just want everyone to live happily ever after. I want the good guys to be noble and honorable, and the bad guys to see the error of their ways, becoming good guys themselves. I am easily moved to tears, especially over sweet things. I am grateful God made us to experience romantic love, and I enjoy the realities of romantic love in a God-ordained relationship. On the other hand, the huge emphasis of romantic love on Valentine’s Day always makes me think of how incomplete this form of love really is.

We are told this love is of God. This is how He loves us, and how He calls us to love others. This kind of love is not normal or natural. In fact, it is supernatural. Romance is sweet and fun, but this fullness of love is what we long for and were created for. It is much better than romance alone. This love provides a context for romantic love to be given in its fullest expression, and to be experienced in the most complete way. True love originates in God and will ultimately glorify God. It is far better than roses, or chocolate, or even the best jewelry. So, when Valentine’s Day comes, give the card, send flowers, and share candy, but don’t forget to give TRUE LOVE.

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